Mel’s Mob, what’s up?! First things first, are you signed up for the MC Weekly newsletter? If not, make sure you head over after reading and sign up; I’d hate for you to miss the goodies I send out each week!
Now, let’s talk about love!
Quick background story: My boyfriend Isa and I met though my sorority sister and her husband New Year’s Eve 2017. He’d been checking me out and basically told our friends to set it up! Y’all, I was SO over dating, so when my friend told me about Isa, I brushed it off with the quickness. I was like yeah, yeah…whatever! I didn’t ask to see a picture or anything, which is so not like us–women want the run down as soon as we can get it, LOL! Anyway, he asked for my number on New Year’s Eve, and we’ve been stuck like glue ever since.
Falling in love after being single for sooooo long is quite the journey, and when it comes when you least expect it (like mine), honey, it sweeps you off your feet!
I’ve learned so much about compromising, being selfless, love languages, time, communication…every day I’m learning something new about how to keep this love going strong. And many of the lessons were toughies, especially after being single for 5 years!
Of all the lessons, these are the 5 that stand out the most:
1. Patience: I’ve never been the patient type; I can say that I’ve ALWAYS been quite an impatient woman. If I couldn’t have something right when I want it, trust, there would be a problem! God slowly but surely taught me that HIS timing is always right. I would get so impatient with wanting to be in love and finding my forever person, but God had a plan all along. He was setting me up! LOL. The 5 grueling, lonely years I spent solo dolo, God was testing me in order to show me what exactly lived on the other side of patience. This past year of being in a relationship has taught me that patience is key!
2. Selflessness: I mean, sure, I have an amazing family with siblings and cousins, but as I got older, I found myself being a little selfish! And while a healthy dose of selfishness is important when it comes to your time and energy, there’s a whole new level of selflessness that a relationship requires. Giving Isa my time and being available to him is something that’s important to me, and exactly HOW to do that is something that he’s taught me within this past year. He’s aways available and thinking of me before himself, and I’ve learned to follow his lead.
3. Communication: This was HUGE for me and something that was a huge MISS in my past relationships. I would hold things in and not express how I feel at the moment, which always led to bottled up anger and ultimately, an outburst. Well, honey, they say you get what you pray for, right? My boo’s communication skills are on 1,000! He pulls it out of me; we talk about literally anything under the sun. Sometimes we probably overshare, but I wouldn’t change a thing about it! Being this open and never having to hold my tongue is new for me, and I’ve learned to love how healthy it is for a relationship, even when the conversations are difficult! It’s truly at the foundation of a great relationship; without it, you have nothing! Whew!
4. Love Language: Do you know your love language? Have you taken the test? We have! I thought I knew it all, but all this time I was giving love how I wanted to receive it; not how my partner needs it. Maybe that’s why my ass was single for 5 years! LOL! Isa and I completed the Love Language assessment and found out I like acts of service, while he’s all about words of affirmation. He can do the simplest thing, such as taking out the trash or helping me with Kicks & Fros orders, and I’m as happy as can be! And I make sure to show my appreciation, or give words of affirmation. Once we learned this about each other, loving has been so, so easy.
5. Courting: This was the biggest thing I learned this year. All that Tinder dating, going out with guys from the past, and hitting up time-wasters because I wanted to hang out are OVER! From the beginning, I knew I didn’t have to call Isa to see if he wanted to hang out. He let it be known from the beginning: I’m interested in you and this is what I’m looking for! I didn’t have to call my friends and say, “Girl, do you think he’s thinking about me?” or “Should I text him?” It was such a breath of fresh air! And he’s still courting me today. We go on dates, FaceTime all night and fall asleep on the phone like little kids when I’m out of town, and every time I come back in town I have flowers waiting on me!
Now, I’m no love doctor, but between my girlfriends who were in my single gal shoes, are looking for love, or embarking on a new relationship, I find myself talking about these lessons a lot lately. I didn’t know what it would be like when I would finally date again, but it’s been better than my wildest dreams! I had a lot of unhealthy things to unlearn and terrible habits to break, but I’m open to living, learning, and loving.
*P.S. – Women always DM me and ask me about the prayer I prayed before Isa came into my life. Every prayer is different, but I CAN say: be intentional and SPECIFIC about the type of man you want to date when asking God for him. Write down qualities you want and don’t want, pray for him regularly (if prayer’s your thing), and also (AND THIS IS IMPORTANT) have the courage to walk away from men who aren’t lining up with things you TRULY want in a man. Wasting your time on the wrong ones because you’re so eager to get into a relationship will cause you to miss out on THE ONE!
Most importantly, make sure you’re prepared and ready for what you’re asking for and can bring to the table the things you actually want in a man. Because when he comes, baby, you want to welcome him with open arms. I sure did!
XOXO,
Thanks for sharing, I loved it
I love this. Thank you. I am on this journey to finding the right one after marrying the wrong one and I am learning a lot about myself. It’s nice to read and here how someone else made it through the singleness and learned a lot about themselves.
Awesome. So happy for you. I’ve been single for a long time as well, and I talk to GOD everyday about not settling and what I want in a god fearing man. I’m very specific as well with what I want in him, and I hope he is praying for me as well.
❤ Love this! Make sure I get an invite to the Wedding!
I loved this blog post!! I was single for 6 years. I had a hook ups here and tried dating but the quality of men were all over the place. The bad guys wanted a relationship when I didn’t. The good guys wanted to ghosted me out of the blue when I wanted to be in a relationship. So when I prayed that God allow me to work on me and become happy within my own life that whoever he brought to me be ready for love, reciprocate the efforts that I put into the relationship and be romantic and for me. And let me just tell you, my man is everything and more. I’ve fallen in love with him too many times to count in the past year and a half and I look forward to our future together. We based our relationship on being friends always and a team. We root for one another always. As you stated that Isa helped you grow in y’all’s relationship I definitely feel you on that. I thought I knew it all but my guy teaches me new things about us and myself all the time. He’s a communicator as well. And that is definitely refreshing bc I don’t have to hold things in bc he’s gotten to know me so well he already knows when I’m bothered. So happy for you and your love it’s so great to see healthy relationships thriving. Thanks again for sharing.
Great blog post. I’ve been married for almost 7 years and my husband came when I least expected it. We are best friends and we never worried about titles. All we knew is that we wanted to be around each other like best friends the entire time and we let things play out naturally. It was the most natural relationship and friendship I’ve ever been in. Congratulations. Great post! We share many of the same lessons learned. Be blessed!!
Great post! We share many of the same lessons learned. I’ve been married to my best friend for almost 7 years and he came when I least expected it and when I was already whole in my singleness. He is my best friend and it’s the most natural relationship I’ve ever been in. We never worried about titles—all we wanted to do was be with each other everyday. We let it play out naturally and everything fell into place. We eventually entered into marriage counseling with our pastors and boom we got married!!! Be blessed and thanks for a great Monday post.
Love this! So beautifully said! It takes courage and strength to admit where you need to improve and be vulnerable enough to share your own lessons to help others. So happy you’ve found love – you guys are so cute together!!
Yessss TT and Unc! 💕
I had to come back to this post and read it again, and again… “even when the conversations are difficult! It’s truly at the foundation of a great relationship; without it, you have nothing! ” SAY IT LOUDER FOR THE ONES IN THE WAY BACK! I needed this today – and yesterday – and tomorrow. Thank you girl, congrats.
I love this! So insightful and honest! As someone in the beginning of something new, this allows me to be reflective and mindful of how I am and what qualities, good and bad, that I’m bringing to the relationship.
I needed to see this. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you for sharing. I recently became single so this was needed.
Melissa, those are great tips and a great read. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing your love story and your journey to love. I will be sharing this.
Thanks for sharing your story!!😀😍
Lovvveeedddd this! Thank you for sharing, definitely encouraging in a season of singleness
I enjoyed reading this. I’m recently out of an 8yr relationship. The things you’re saying about giving love the way your partner needs it and not the way you need it is so true. I’m learning that and I appreciate you being open with your love and helping us all grow. Keep going strong #bulldogs4life #gold&black
So happy for you! You deserve it ❤️
Awww beautiful I’m praying that God will send me my special someone. Yes I’m praying what I’m looking for in a man and what I don’t want. Because I don’t want anyone to waste my time and I’m not trying to settle. P.S I’m happy for you I stop looking myself for love and just wait for Mr. Right come find me.
Love it!
Absolutely beautiful! I’m so happy for your two and can’t wait to see how this love story unfolds! ❤️
Love this Melissa! Swear this is where I am today! I’m keeping patient and praying hard! Great read!